at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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