mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
please don't ironically join a cult
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