So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
