My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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