How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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