Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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