I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
