Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
