He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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