You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
