I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
