I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
