On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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