those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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