just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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