I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
