yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
