i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
