Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize