I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've blown a few things in my day
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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