So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
