windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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