I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
