weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
