chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
