I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ugly people sure do ruin things
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
