I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
