Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
