The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
