i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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