we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
