went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
