I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize