My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
