bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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