Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
