my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize