Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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