did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
