were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
