i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
