Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
