just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
