11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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