Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
