I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
