I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
