Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
