I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
