listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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