She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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