3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
