His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
