Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
