shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
