I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
