So drunk its hurt
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
