Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
