What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize