i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
