All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
