porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
