4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
