You made me cry and you don't even care
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
