He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
