I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
