But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
