Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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