i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just cropdusted the office
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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