The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
