At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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