last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
