Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
