so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
