talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
